- Give her Alabama's toll-free
crisis line number for domestic violence victims.
- Direct her to resources in her community
for victims of domestic violence.
- Let her keep important papers and extra
clothes at your house.
- Help when you can with transportation,
child care, groceries.
Tell her she deserves to be safe. Physical
violence in a relationship is never acceptable. Remind her that no one
deserves to be beaten.
Help her learn not to deny or minimize the
abuse. If she says, "It's really not that bad," tell her it is serious.
Assure your friend that violence in her home
does concern you. There is no excuse for abuse. No one deserves to be
abused. Domestic violence is a crime.
How do I know if my friend is being
- Have you seen evidence of injuries?
- Have you accepted her explanations for
her black eyes, bruises or broken bones?
- Does she miss work frequently?
- Does her partner show an unusual amount
of control over her life?
- Have you noticed changes in her or her
- Does her partner embarrass or ridicule
her in public?
- Does her partner blame her for the way
he acts or the things he says?
Common Myths about Domestic Violence
Why should I get involved in her
problem--isn't it just a family matter?
Domestic violence is not just a family problem, it is a crime.
It can't really be that bad.
Domestic violence is that bad. It is the single most common source of
injury to women, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and
rape by a stranger combined. It increases in severity and frequency
over time. It is estimated that over 2 million American women are
beaten in their homes each year. It is a crime.
That doesn't happen in my
Domestic violence occurs among all races, ages, religions and
socio-economic levels. No state, no city, no community and no
neighborhood is immune.
She must be provoking him.
She is a victim and is not to blame. No one deserves to be beaten. The
abuser chooses to abuse her to maintain power and control in the
If it's so bad, why doesn't she
Any relationship can be difficult to end. She may be financially
dependent or have limited job skills. Religious, cultural or family
pressures may keep her in the marriage. She may have tried to leave and
he stopped her; he may have threatened to take the children from her,
or harm her more if she leaves him. Over 75 percent of women are killed
after they leave an abusive partner.
I know him--he seems like a nice
Many abusers are not violent in other relationships. They even can
appear 'charming' to outsiders. However, this does not indicate the
kind of person he is behind closed doors. Believe her.
He has a drinking problem. May be
if he just got help for it, he'd stop abusing her.
Alcohol and drug use many intensify violent behavior, but it does not
cause battering. Men are abusive with and without alcohol and drugs.
Abusers want all the power and control in the relationship and that is
their motivation; not the substances they use or abuse.
If she wanted my help, she'd ask
Your friend may not feel comfortable revealing her situation to you.
She may be embarrassed or humiliated.
She seems distant. I don't know if
we're still friends.
Women in violent homes are often isolated from friends and family by
their abusers. The abuser wants total control and does not want her
talking to others. It is important to continue to reach out to her, and
let her know you care.
the National Woman Abuse Prevention program.